dollieindistress

 June 30, 2026 Today wasn’t good. My father has been hostile towards me ever since I woke up. Now he won’t shut up. He just keeps mumbling things under his breath. I’m so tired of living with this. I wish he would shut up I’m so tired of hearing him. I wish I had someone else I could stay with sometimes. I need a break from living here. In middle school I could just go visit my grandma and uncle, I stayed there a lot during that time. Now my grandma has passed away and my uncle hasn’t talked to me in years. I stayed with my mother a few times in 6th grade. Her boyfriends house was uncomfortable. He lived with his father and his dying mother. His mother left her room maybe twice the times I stayed there. The second time was because my mother and her boyfriend were fighting, she tried to calm them down. She was a sweet woman, I felt bad for her. His father was quiet, I don’t remember him ever speaking directly to me.  My mother made me uncomfortable the times I stayed there. I r...

 June 29, 2026 I don’t really remember yesterday, I feel bad for not writing. I’m only writing now because I’m scared and I don’t want to burden my friends with why. I don’t have much time left living with my father for free. He’s going to kick me out if I don’t get a job soon. He hasn’t said this, but I know it. I’m scared he’s going to kick me out even if I do get a job. I know he doesn’t want me here. I have no where else to go and I have no savings or family or friends who’d help me. I’m scared of talking to people or being around anyone I do not know, there are no jobs (that I’m qualified for) I could have.  I binge ate. Good night.

 June 27, 2026 Today was quite weird, my dad acted as if he didn’t stay out all day and night yesterday, and the only thing I believe was an acknowledgement of his lying to me was he said he loved me in a really out of the ordinary tone. He let me order groceries, not like I really gave him a choice. I needed food and I had already picked out everything I wanted, I was just waiting for the ‘okay’ that didn’t really matter. I feel bad for acting this way towards him. Anyway we barely talked after I ate. I went to my room and didn’t leave anymore the rest of the day. The next few hours after that I listened to music and watched shows and played games, while I was playing games I checked reddit for a reason I do not remember. The post recommended in my notifications was about a child with severe behavioral issues. It reminded me of the way parents speak about their children in documentaries. The ones about mass murderers or just murderers in general. This made me want to research. In ...

 June 26, 2026 My day was weird. I stayed up all night, then I ate with my dad at 11 am like we planned and then I went to sleep. I couldn’t sleep because I was hungry. And I’m still ‘hungry’ now. I believe it’s because I’m stressed. I’m not sure why I was stressed last night, but now it’s because of my dad. This morning while I was eating with my dad he said he didn’t want to drink this weekend and that he wanted to go do something with me like go to the movies or shopping. We actually made plans to grocery shop in the morning, then see a movie tomorrow night.  We both agreed on it and after I finished my food I told him I was gonna nap and for him to wake me up at 6 pm. I woke up a few times during my nap, the second time I woke up the house was quiet. I knew my dad had left. Meaning he had likely decided to go drink anyway. And I know I’m right now because he’s been gone since. It’s been about 7 hours (that I know of) since he left. This makes me feel bad, I feel like It’s ...

 June 25, 2026 Today was pretty boring again, but I received  the doll I ordered so that was exciting. Well honestly it felt really underwhelming but I’m still glad to have him in my collection. I’ve been maintaining my weight for the passed two or three days, I’m only 1.8 lbs from my June goal weight, I really hope I get there before July. But if I don’t, I won’t be that bothered, I’ve still lost a total of almost 10 pounds this month.  I keep being so harsh on myself but 10 pounds in one month is really decent. Especially with me never exercising, just eating less. A lot of people complain about becoming ‘skinny fat’ while losing weight the way I am, I’m not all that worried about it. I’m more focused on fixing my health. PCOS, HS, high blood pressure, possibly pre diabetes, these are just the ones I know of. Losing weight has been proven to at least reduce symptoms of all of these. I’m hoping it works for me.  I’m so sick of having HS breakouts. I have so many sca...

 June 24, 2026 I barely did anything today other than watch tv and play games again. Nothing special happened.  Good night.

 June 23, 2026 Today was okay, I felt good until about an hour ago. I woke up at 10am to my dads truck pulling into the driveway, he had subway like he said he may. I was very happy about that, I’ve been really sick of eating at home. I ate my sub within an hour in hopes of fasting until tomorrow around 4. I realized around 9pm that I forgot to take my vitamins, which would break my fast. I could have just not taken them. But I decided to take them and eat some chips. I shouldn’t have done this and I feel bad about it. I’ve been doing so well with not eating late at night and only eating within certain time frames, then today I change that over vitamins that are not truly necessary. It gets worse from that point. I scrolled on reddit for hours instead of doing anything productive, It was fun but it was also stupid and unnecessary. But I guess I got some reading in. My friend and I had plans to call and play games again today, I asked earlier if he still wanted to and he said yes, b...

 June 22, 2026 I am really tired today. I barely did anything other than play Roblox and watch tv. I really want subway, I have for two days. I haven’t eaten out anywhere in probably a month or so. My dad said he will buy subway for me tomorrow or Wednesday, I hope it’s tomorrow. Anyway I have nothing else to write.  Good night.

 June 21, 2026 I woke up feeling okay this morning, It's fathers day so I didn't really know how the day was going to go. I weighed myself and I lost .2 lbs, I was really glad it didn't go up. Then I spent time with my father, during that time he told me something he had heard about my cousin. Allegedly my cousin (33 year old man) met a 14 year old girl online and began chatting with her inappropriately, sexually. From the charges I'm assuming he sent her nudes too. I'm really upset about this. I was groomed at her age by men his age, it really upsets me that she had to face that at all but especially from a family member of mine. Someone I hung around a lot as a child and considered my favorite cousin for years. I stopped liking him a few years ago when I realized he enabled my mother's drug use (sold to her for years on end). He also told me to get over her being a shitty mother, that bothered me. He compared our parents as if his father was in any way compara...

 June 20, 2026 I played games all day again, the scale finally budged, My councilor didn’t email back. Thats really all today.  Good night.

 June 19, 2026 I haven't lost any weight in a few days, It's starting to bother me. My middle school counselor emailed me this morning to check on me, She never read my last email and it annoyed me that she started a new one instead. She will not talk about herself, only me, it makes me feel weird. I replied dryly, I really have nothing to say. I'm so tired. I thought of telling her I have a blog and a website because she asked what is new, but I don't think her questions were true, I think those are the kind of questions you give bullshit answers to. So there's no point in explaining like I did the first time she asked in December.  I think she was just curious If I'm alive, and I am, so I just let her know that without just saying 'I'm alive' or without over explaining everything about what I've been doing the past few months. I like that I can say all of those things here instead. I wonder when she'll reply. It made me feel bad in December...

 June 18, 2026 My day was boring, I added an ALF section to my website and watched two horror movies, I’m going to bed soon. Good night.

 June 17, 2026 I'm tired.

June 16, 2026 I feel drained today, I haven’t felt like doing anything. I’m bothered that I’ve lost almost 20 lbs and there’s no difference, if anything i look bigger. I keep hearing that you notice the difference in your face at around 30 lbs, I do not believe that. I’m so sick of this. Theres no problem with eating less, It barely bothers me anymore. It’s that I’m seeing no difference and I am constantly afraid I’m going to mess up. Every time i count my calories I feel like I’m wrong. Even though I reread the packaging over and over and recalculate repeatedly, I still worry that I’m wrong. I also worry I’m going to binge.  Even though I get the urge less often, what if I get the urge and give in? And then what if that binge turns into a week long binge, and then what happens if after that I give up? I’ve never stayed consistent this long, I’m so scared of messing up and falling back into the loop. I think changing my sleep schedule will help. That way I will not have the urge th...

 June 15, 2026 I woke up feeling really nice this morning, I stayed in bed for a while then got up and watched TV with my dad. Then I weighed myself, I Lost almost half a pound. I now weigh less than I did in October 2024, I know this because I was updating my Health app and my last weigh in was then. This makes me feel better about how much weight I've lost so far. Afterwards I came back to my room and explored SpaceHey a little, I can't really find anyone with the same interests as me. Or I do and they're 12. Or by their typing I can tell they're lying about their age. I'm sure some of them aren't lying and they're just immature, but why would I want to engage with them? Why is everyone my age so immature?  After exploring SpaceHey, I went to Lurk. I like the people there a little more. I added a few people. I added one of my friends partners, I hope they do not take that the wrong way, I just like their page. I then ate and watched ALF. I also made shortc...

 June 14, 2026 I'm exhausted. I only slept maybe 6 hours. When I finally tried to sleep this morning my dad woke up and opened his door then went back to sleep, his snoring was so loud I had to get ear plugs. It's hard to sleep with ear plugs in. For me at least. I just ate lunch about an hour ago and I'm already thinking about a snack. I weighed myself this morning, the scale hadn't budged again. I'm gonna continue assuming it's water weight for my sanity. I know it's quite unlikely for me to be maintaining on 1200 calories at my weight, so it must be. I think I've been eating a little over 1300 the past few days, I need to stop that. At my current weight my new suggested calories is 1,285. And I need to start counting my vitamin calories in my Daily calories. I need to buy new prenatal vitamins, the ones I bought like two years ago and never take expired in January. I need to actually take them this time. Along with my iron supplement. My diet is horri...

 June 13, 2026 I do not feel good today. I weighed myself and there was no difference. I shouldn't have expected one but I did. I'm really drained today, I do not feel like doing anything. My vitamins were delivered this morning, I took them. They taste okay. I hope they help. I'm so tired I wish I could take a nap. My day wasn’t great, my dad got angry that i wouldn’t order him alcohol and refused to talk to me for the rest of the day. I’ve felt lonely all day. I ate pizza earlier and it made me feel bad. I know I ate the correct amount of calories, I still feel I ate too much or that I somehow counted the calories wrong or that the box was lying. When my friend spends time with his family I get jealous. Not jealous that he’s spending time with them opposed to me, but jealous that he has a family to spend time with. I feel bad for feeling this way. I feel the same way when he spends time with his friends, I only have three friends and he’s one of them. I spent four hours o...

 June 12, 2026 I woke up feeling better this morning, no more pain. I weighed myself as I do every morning, I lost .8 lbs. It's weird that i'm actually losing this month. Last month I stayed the same all month until the end when I lost a few pounds within a few days. I assumed it was because I burn more calories before my period and those days aligned but i'm not sure. Someone said if you don't eat enough your body holds onto water, maybe I wasn't eating enough. I haven't read today, I may try later. So far I've just eaten lunch and watched an episode of girls. I also ordered some vitamins and stuff for my dads garden. My friend is complaining about how she feels, has been since I woke up. It gets annoying. But I do the same so how annoyed do I get to be? It just bothers me when someone is expressing their bad mood to me while I'm in a good one. I really want to start making my birthday wish-lists but i'm unsure of what I want, I know I want books, m...

 June 11, 2026 I woke up in pain again, my whole lower abdomen instead of just my side. I kept waking up all morning, my dad's squeaky bathroom door opening and closing. My lower back is killing me. I gained half a pound. (water weight but who cares why would I want to see the scale go up opposed to down?) I'm in physical pain as I type, I should take some Tylenol but I feel it will not help. I finished Satan's Affair, it was much shorter than i thought. Only 11 chapters. It was pretty good, i like the main character she reminds me of myself a little. I wish i had read Satan's Affair before Haunting Adeline and Hunting Adeline, I'm assuming from the way it was written I wasn't supposed to know Sibby's henchmen were hallucinations. Either way it had a decent ending I just wish it were longer, but at least I've finally finished it. I may start a new book soon. I ate lunch and started a new book. I had pizza again and I started Picking Daisies on Sundays by...

June 10, 2026 Technically it's June 11th (2:35 AM) but I'm writing about the day. I woke up in pain like I have the past few mornings, it's on my side. I've ruled out everything but an ovarian cyst. I'm almost positive that's what it is. It hurts. I feel it has been affecting my moods. I skipped breakfast as I do every morning. I weighed myself, I lost a little over a pound. Likely water weight but at least I didn't gain. I actually had the motivation to read today! That's new. I hadn't read in over two maybe three months. Honestly maybe more. Anyway I started reading Satan's Affair by H.D. Carlton. I read Haunting Adeline and Hunting Adeline maybe two years ago, Everyone hates them but I genuinely enjoyed them. I started Satan's Affair immediately afterward, I lost interest a few chapters in, I tried to read it multiple other times, same issue. Never really got past chapter 3. I'm on chapter 7 now, it's getting interesting, so I hope...