June 26, 2026

 June 26, 2026

My day was weird. I stayed up all night, then I ate with my dad at 11 am like we planned and then I went to sleep. I couldn’t sleep because I was hungry. And I’m still ‘hungry’ now. I believe it’s because I’m stressed. I’m not sure why I was stressed last night, but now it’s because of my dad. This morning while I was eating with my dad he said he didn’t want to drink this weekend and that he wanted to go do something with me like go to the movies or shopping. We actually made plans to grocery shop in the morning, then see a movie tomorrow night. 

We both agreed on it and after I finished my food I told him I was gonna nap and for him to wake me up at 6 pm. I woke up a few times during my nap, the second time I woke up the house was quiet. I knew my dad had left. Meaning he had likely decided to go drink anyway. And I know I’m right now because he’s been gone since. It’s been about 7 hours (that I know of) since he left. This makes me feel bad, I feel like It’s my fault that he decided to drink. I feel like if I wouldn’t have decided to nap he wouldn’t have done it. I’m really tired of feeling this way.

Being upset is making me want to binge eat. I’ve already eaten a little over 1200 calories. I’m not supposed to go over it. I really want to eat a snack. I ate half of a sub for lunch and the other half for dinner when I woke up. I usually do not eat this far apart, I think that could also be another trigger for me wanting to binge. I could easily eat a snack and not go over maintenance. I wouldn’t get anywhere near maintenance. But I’m worried if I do it once it will become a habit. Technically it already has. I’ve eaten after my hours three times this week. 

I kept giving myself excuses to eat an extra snack. And now I’m using my stress as one. I think eating out twice this week didn’t help. I think I’m gonna eat at home for a while. 

I overate.

Good night.

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