dollieindistress

 July 4, 2026 Fireworks are stupid and I do not look forward to hearing them all night tonight. Along with the music and partying. I hate it and I do not want to hear it. I do not remember the last three 4th of Julys in this neighborhood, so I’m not sure it will be horrible, but with the fact that my neighbors love to blast music and be obnoxiously loud during other holidays and or regular weekends, I’m assuming tonight will be terrible. My dad is drinking today, but it does not bother me because it’s the 4th of July and I guess that’s his only way to celebrate being that he has only a few friends and none of which have asked him over.  I told him I was going to bed an hour or so ago, I feel bad for lying, I mean I’m going to sleep soon, but I could have spent a little more time with him. I asked him for $60 because I wanted a doll, I feel bad for this. He let me buy the doll and I feel very guilty. I always feel guilty after asking him to buy me things. I wish I had a job so ...

 July 3, 2026 I played Build A Zoo for 12 hours.  Good night. 

 July 1 & 2, 2026 & June recap I’ve not been doing well and I’ve found it hard to remember to write. My period is late. I thought I was pmsing last week, I had mood swings and cravings and allowed myself to over eat, because I thought my period was coming. I was wrong. And I believe it will not be coming any time soon. When I started eating less (1300-1200 calories) I thought that was the ‘good’ amount and that I would be fine. I was wrong once more. I thought only women who do not eat for days at a time or only consume about 500 calories per day were the one’s who didn’t get periods. After doing research, I was wrong.  I may not have my period back for two more years. If I continue to eat the way I eat, which I do not plan on stopping. It could be much longer being that it sometimes takes 6 months for women to get their periods after going back to eating maintenance. I am really worried about this. Apparently it’s rare to cause permanent infertility, but I’m still wor...

 June 30, 2026 Today wasn’t good. My father has been hostile towards me ever since I woke up. Now he won’t shut up. He just keeps mumbling things under his breath. I’m so tired of living with this. I wish he would shut up I’m so tired of hearing him. I wish I had someone else I could stay with sometimes. I need a break from living here. In middle school I could just go visit my grandma and uncle, I stayed there a lot during that time. Now my grandma has passed away and my uncle hasn’t talked to me in years. I stayed with my mother a few times in 6th grade. Her boyfriends house was uncomfortable. He lived with his father and his dying mother. His mother left her room maybe twice the times I stayed there. The second time was because my mother and her boyfriend were fighting, she tried to calm them down. She was a sweet woman, I felt bad for her. His father was quiet, I don’t remember him ever speaking directly to me.  My mother made me uncomfortable the times I stayed there. I r...

 June 29, 2026 I don’t really remember yesterday, I feel bad for not writing. I’m only writing now because I’m scared and I don’t want to burden my friends with why. I don’t have much time left living with my father for free. He’s going to kick me out if I don’t get a job soon. He hasn’t said this, but I know it. I’m scared he’s going to kick me out even if I do get a job. I know he doesn’t want me here. I have no where else to go and I have no savings or family or friends who’d help me. I’m scared of talking to people or being around anyone I do not know, there are no jobs (that I’m qualified for) I could have.  I binge ate. Good night.

 June 27, 2026 Today was quite weird, my dad acted as if he didn’t stay out all day and night yesterday, and the only thing I believe was an acknowledgement of his lying to me was he said he loved me in a really out of the ordinary tone. He let me order groceries, not like I really gave him a choice. I needed food and I had already picked out everything I wanted, I was just waiting for the ‘okay’ that didn’t really matter. I feel bad for acting this way towards him. Anyway we barely talked after I ate. I went to my room and didn’t leave anymore the rest of the day. The next few hours after that I listened to music and watched shows and played games, while I was playing games I checked reddit for a reason I do not remember. The post recommended in my notifications was about a child with severe behavioral issues. It reminded me of the way parents speak about their children in documentaries. The ones about mass murderers or just murderers in general. This made me want to research. In ...