June 19, 2026

 June 19, 2026

I haven't lost any weight in a few days, It's starting to bother me. My middle school counselor emailed me this morning to check on me, She never read my last email and it annoyed me that she started a new one instead. She will not talk about herself, only me, it makes me feel weird. I replied dryly, I really have nothing to say. I'm so tired. I thought of telling her I have a blog and a website because she asked what is new, but I don't think her questions were true, I think those are the kind of questions you give bullshit answers to. So there's no point in explaining like I did the first time she asked in December. 

I think she was just curious If I'm alive, and I am, so I just let her know that without just saying 'I'm alive' or without over explaining everything about what I've been doing the past few months. I like that I can say all of those things here instead. I wonder when she'll reply. It made me feel bad in December when she took days to reply, It made me feel worse when she didn't reply at all. I just recently deleted the email from December, maybe a week ago. It's weird that she emailed me a week after that.

I don't feel good. I had a weird dream last night, I dreamed I was looking down at my inner thighs and they had bruises and hurt terribly, the pain felt real. In the dream I was thinking of what caused the bruises and the first thing that came to mind was rape. I do not understand why I have dreams like this. It's such a weird hard to explain thing. I told two of my friends, neither seemed to care, in fact one of them didn't even respond with words. Just a ':('. I probably shouldn't have told them. I need to lose that habit. I could have just wrote about it.

I feel really fat today, my face looks huge and so does my body. It's really bothering me. I haven't gained any weight but it feels like I have. I guess it's because I haven't lost any in days and it's starting to worry me. I have a cut on my finger and I hate it. I had to cover it. Cuts on my hands really bother me. I want to play games, I may do that now. 

I played games for a few hours then I went to bed.

Good night.

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