June 25, 2026

 June 25, 2026

Today was pretty boring again, but I received  the doll I ordered so that was exciting. Well honestly it felt really underwhelming but I’m still glad to have him in my collection. I’ve been maintaining my weight for the passed two or three days, I’m only 1.8 lbs from my June goal weight, I really hope I get there before July. But if I don’t, I won’t be that bothered, I’ve still lost a total of almost 10 pounds this month. 

I keep being so harsh on myself but 10 pounds in one month is really decent. Especially with me never exercising, just eating less. A lot of people complain about becoming ‘skinny fat’ while losing weight the way I am, I’m not all that worried about it. I’m more focused on fixing my health. PCOS, HS, high blood pressure, possibly pre diabetes, these are just the ones I know of. Losing weight has been proven to at least reduce symptoms of all of these. I’m hoping it works for me. 

I’m so sick of having HS breakouts. I have so many scars from them. Under arms, inner thighs, under my boobs, and the worst of all in my opinion, my crotch. It makes my body look so unpleasant. As if I weren’t already shaped horribly and very overweight, i also get to have wart looking scars everywhere. It’s like I was put on this earth to suffer. My genetics are horrible. I got the worst things from each parent.

I wish I could spot reduce fat. If I could just get rid of all the fat in my torso and upper arms, - now that I’m thinking of it, I want everything gone except my thighs. I may want a little of my thighs gone, sometimes I forget how big they really are, mainly because when I stand they look tiny compared to my stomach. I just looked in the mirror (naked) and my boobs look smaller. I wonder if I’m losing weight from them or if I’m just looking in the mirror more often and noticing things I didn’t notice before. 

I believe once I get to my goal weight I may fit an A cup, I originally thought B but my boobs look quite small. I wonder if I’ll like wearing bras more when I’m smaller, I think the main reason I dislike them now is because they cut into my fat and I can never find the right size. I think I under-ate today, I didn’t finish my pizza, didn’t have an appetite for my cookies, and I ate maybe 300 calories of chips (had no appetite for anything else), I believe all together I ate around 980 calories. 

It’s probably for the best being that I will not get to fast as long tomorrow, my dad is getting subway again. I will probably eat around 11 am. I ate around 7 pm today so that’s a 16 hour fast, that’s still decent, but lately I’ve been fasting for 20-23 hours. I’ve been craving subway ever since I had it a few days ago. It’s only around 1,150 calories which is right under my daily budget. I’m thinking of eating it within four hours tomorrow instead of all within an hour like I did before. When I did that I had the urge to binge that night.

I could cut each 6 inches into threes, when I eat that way it makes me feel like I’m eating more. I need to drink lots of water too. It makes me eat slower and feel fuller. I only drank 2.5 today. I’m getting tired, I’m gonna lie down. 

Good night.