June 11, 2026 I woke up in pain again, my whole lower abdomen instead of just my side. I kept waking up all morning, my dad's squeaky bathroom door opening and closing. My lower back is killing me. I gained half a pound. (water weight but who cares why would I want to see the scale go up opposed to down?) I'm in physical pain as I type, I should take some Tylenol but I feel it will not help. I finished Satan's Affair, it was much shorter than i thought. Only 11 chapters. It was pretty good, i like the main character she reminds me of myself a little. I wish i had read Satan's Affair before Haunting Adeline and Hunting Adeline, I'm assuming from the way it was written I wasn't supposed to know Sibby's henchmen were hallucinations. Either way it had a decent ending I just wish it were longer, but at least I've finally finished it. I may start a new book soon. I ate lunch and started a new book. I had pizza again and I started Picking Daisies on Sundays by...
June 13, 2026 I do not feel good today. I weighed myself and there was no difference. I shouldn't have expected one but I did. I'm really drained today, I do not feel like doing anything. My vitamins were delivered this morning, I took them. They taste okay. I hope they help. I'm so tired I wish I could take a nap. My day wasn’t great, my dad got angry that i wouldn’t order him alcohol and refused to talk to me for the rest of the day. I’ve felt lonely all day. I ate pizza earlier and it made me feel bad. I know I ate the correct amount of calories, I still feel I ate too much or that I somehow counted the calories wrong or that the box was lying. When my friend spends time with his family I get jealous. Not jealous that he’s spending time with them opposed to me, but jealous that he has a family to spend time with. I feel bad for feeling this way. I feel the same way when he spends time with his friends, I only have three friends and he’s one of them. I spent four hours o...
June 16, 2026 I feel drained today, I haven’t felt like doing anything. I’m bothered that I’ve lost almost 20 lbs and there’s no difference, if anything i look bigger. I keep hearing that you notice the difference in your face at around 30 lbs, I do not believe that. I’m so sick of this. Theres no problem with eating less, It barely bothers me anymore. It’s that I’m seeing no difference and I am constantly afraid I’m going to mess up. Every time i count my calories I feel like I’m wrong. Even though I reread the packaging over and over and recalculate repeatedly, I still worry that I’m wrong. I also worry I’m going to binge. Even though I get the urge less often, what if I get the urge and give in? And then what if that binge turns into a week long binge, and then what happens if after that I give up? I’ve never stayed consistent this long, I’m so scared of messing up and falling back into the loop. I think changing my sleep schedule will help. That way I will not have the urge th...
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